Just a quick update really.
I guess it’s positive that I’ve not been needing to write down my feelings, but I think that could be a mixture of an improvement in Faiths world and me making a definite effort to get my mind and life in a calmer place.
For me, I have started a mindfulness course, well started and finished as it was only for 5 weeks. I loved it. I loved being allowed to have that me time, time to just stop that chatter in my head, time to just stop. Stop thinking, analysing, worrying, trying to sort the worlds problems, just to relax. I can’t recommend it enough.
I try to do a bit at home when I can. I have found it helps when I cant sleep.
It has also reintroduced me to yoga, a class followed on from the mindefullness , I thought I was too old and stiff, but it is such a relaxing class, and at the end we get 10 more minutes of blissful relaxation, with warm lavender pillows to cover our eyes, the stretching is worth that 10 minutes.
And so to Faith. Things are better. Because it seems he fits when he drinks now rather than when he stops. So when he drinks now it’s for shorter periods, he has more time sober than drunk now, which is an absolute positive.
He has put on weight, gained in confidence, enough to start going for interviews for jobs. I don’t think he is ready for that but when he tells me he has a second interview I have to respond positively. And now he has been offered a job. Nearly four weeks sober, a miracle for him.
He should have been ecstatic when he phoned me to tell me, but he actually forgot to tell me, because he was drinking.
Ive had the reasons or excuses. His girlfriend continues to drink, she seems to manage her drinking where as Faith can’t, he is either totally drinking or totally abstaining. I can only guide him, he has to make his own decisions.
Whether he will be able to get himself sober and in the right place before he starts this new job, his first job in over four years at least, I don’t know.
Today his dad, my x husband had an accident, they think at the moment it was caused possibly by a heart attack, he is OK but in hospital. I give Faith positive comments, he is worried about his dad, another reason to drink. If he only knew, him being sober would be the best medicine for his dad.
He has remarried so I am out of the loop shall we say. But my other son has given me information I can pass to Faith. I don’t want him stressing about his dad, he cannot cope with stress.
So, a positive post in that Faith is a lot healthier than he has been in a long time due to longer periods of sobriety. I have found a way to help me cope with his drinking and the sadness in my heart.
But tonight he is drinking.
If anyone would like to pray for him to help him, to help him along his troubled road I would be grateful.
I have got used to just waiting and seeing what will happen.
I don’t hold out much hope about the job, but who knows……
I will let you know.
In the time I have taken to write this, Faith has called in secret from his bathroom. His girlfriend lost her job today, they found alcohol on her. She wants sympathy, he is struggling to give it while drinking himself. He has promised to see the doctor tomorrow to get something to help ease withdrawal symptoms when he stops drinking.
We shall see.
Sending love to anyone else struggling with this disease, either themselves or a loved one.