Did I say “double trouble”

You wouldn’t be who you are without all the difficult times, be thankful, even through the trials.

Faith was admitted to hospital on the Wednesday before Easter. His girlfriend called me when she was on her way back from the hospital to update me. He was OK, all was good, they were looking after him. The scans for a broken back came back fine.

Tomorrow she will go back and see him, she will take anything he needs with her. OK so tonight I can sleep knowing he is safe.

It’s Thursday today, last day at work before 4 days off. I’m needing that break badly, even though we will be decorating, just some time to breath. I call Faiths girlfriend at lunchtime. No reply. I call her when I leave work. No reply. I call her when I get home, no reply. I am getting concerned, I call a confused Faith, he is not sure but no he hasn’t seen her today.

So, I’m just ready to kick off my shoes and relax, but I can’t, something is wrong I know. Do I spend the night worrying or go now and check on her? I have a key for the flat, I don’t want to worry her parents who live a couple of hours drive away, so I reluctantly get back in the car and drive the 10 miles to their flat. I call again before I let myself in, I’m worried what I might find when I walk in, I know she fits when she doesn’t drink. Still no reply. I walk into the empty flat, no-one, but Faiths rucksack is packed ready with everything he needs in hospital on the bed. Now I am really getting concerned. I have to call her mother. I call to be told she has called her several times today but she hasn’t answered. Now we are both extremely concerned. I call the hospital to see if she has been admitted. No. I know she was going to the launderette, so I check there. No sign of her. I call her mum and say I am going to the hospital to see if they have seen her or heard from her. I’m starting to think she will have to be reported as missing. When oh when will this madness end.

Another drive in busy traffic to the hospital. My restful evening is rapidly disappearing. I go to see Faith, none of the hospital staff have seen or heard from his girlfriend.. I use Faiths phone to call her thinking she might answer to him. Nothing. I try to get some sense out of Faith about where she could be, but now his brain is reacting to having no alcohol and he has no idea what I’m trying to ask him.

I call his girlfriends mother to break the news. She tells me she has tracked her down, she had a fit and was admitted to hospital. She has been there all day. She is actually in the same ward as Faith. So now I am relieved she’s safe, but at the same time angry my precious time has been taken again by these two. I go to see her briefly, she doesn’t look well. By the time I get home it’s 8.30. I’m just exhausted by all this.

It looks like my worst fears are coming true, I’m now involved in the chaotic life of another alcoholic. I can hear all you al-anons out there shouting at me “step back and let go” I try so hard, but when they get so ill, when there is a real possibility of death, it’s so hard.

I know I’m preparing myself for Faiths death, I don’t ever want to think “what if”?

To follow…… security guards and dementia.

And my positive thought for today  All the strength you need is right there, inside you”