Well my last blog was a pretty basic update on how things have been for the last two years. I have so many other events to share. I call them events because I can’t call them stories, they are just things that happen because Faith is an alcoholic. Things that happen in his life and consequently affect mine.
But first I need to explain how things are now.
Faiths girlfriend has now moved in with him. She lived with her parents and, after a drunken episode, things came to a head, as they do, and she walked out.
In a way I blame myself. Here parents were in the trap of pretending. Pretending she wasn’t drinking so much. Afraid of her reaction if they dared to face her with the truth. Afraid themselves of speaking the truth. I knew, as I had been there. I knew the consequences of trying to make them face their alcoholism, and you as a parent feeling you let them down in some way. How did this happen to that little child you held in your arms and protected from the world? But I also knew to help her they had to do it. No more hiding it and talking behind her back about it. No more hiding it from the family. I knew the shame of telling family members your child was an alcoholic.
I also knew that this was enabling. So I encouraged them to speak more openly with her and other close family members about it. Force her to face it. And they did. It was no longer a secret. But I guess she couldn’t cope with that and the consequences of family knowing, wasn’t ready herself.
So she did exactly what Faith did. She ran from the truth. Didn’t want to hear it, so forced a situation that gave herself the right to run away. Put more hurt on her loving family, because to stay with them meant she had to face her own self loathing and be truthful. So just like Faith she chose to run, and she had the perfect (not what you or I would call perfect) place to run to. Somewhere she could drink and not be judged for drinking.
So now they live together, not because they love each other (although I think they do in their own way) but because now they can both drink and not be judged. But of course, two alcoholics living together brings its own dose of madness.
Faith is back drinking daily, unable to moderate his drinking.
Over time I have learnt to step back when he is, there is no point trying to talk to him, I just wait for the next crisis to happen as I know it will.
This time I have been able to step right back. He has someone with him now who will call an ambulance if necessary, encourage him to eat and see the doctor. So I can relax and let go, actually try to forget for a while. I know she brings new problems, but at the moment I am able to let go, but not worry, too much.
So my positive today is……
“I really can let go and relax, sleep at night without worrying, nearly be normal”
That was until the call I got an hour ago 😦