Well I can’t say life is boring, exhausting, trying, sad but not boring when there is an alcoholic in your family.
I went to bed last night thinking “Thank god his buddy is back tomorrow, she can take over”
He messaged me at 11.15, I was in bed but not asleep, yes he messaged me from the bedroom next to mine as he doesn’t like to disturb my partner.
“Please I need to talk to you” I was so tired, do I ignore it , pretend I didn’t see it? Would I be able to sleep if I did?
So “what’s wrong then?” That was a pretty stupid statement, but I meant more wrong than going through withdrawal, more wrong that he needed to talk to me at this time in the night.
“Do you remember when I said it took me an hour to walk here and I stepped out in front of 2 cars on the way because I didn’t know what I was doing?”
Oh I had forgotten that not!! yes, and?
“Well I didn’t come straight here”
” I went to Trevor’s”
My blood chilled.
“Oh OK, and?
“He wanted me to change a light bulb” This was the one person he had agreed not to contact, the one we all felt had other ideas on his agenda for Faith.
“He told me it was switched off” he started crying, it appeared it wasn’t switched off and it gave him an electric shock strong enough to throw him across the room. “and he just laughed”
I didn’t laugh, I have had a shock before and that is exactly what it does, it shocks you, and the feeling remains for a long time.
Really? What else do you want to throw at this son of mine, I ask???
But, it didn’t kill you I tell him, now is not your time, even though he had been asking the night before to end it all, isn’t this a sign for you to keep on fighting? If you were going to die wouldn’t that have been it?
Ok, he calms, I try to sleep.
Next morning at work I message his buddy who is returning to work. I tell her how much I am struggling and feeling I am supporting Faith on my own with no support myself.
She replies she is heading into the office to catch up on what’s happened in the last 2 weeks, (Nothing as far as they are concerned) but she has to leave at 12.30 as she has to attend a funeral.
WTF? I’m sorry, I try not to swear but after waiting 2 weeks for her return to work she is still not available.
I have also told Faith to make an appointment with his doctor. When I speak to him he tells me she is not in this week. OK at this point I start to falter, I want to cry, but I am at work, they offer him an appointment with a different doctor on Thursday.
I just feel everything his so-called support has put in place has failed, what was the point in meeting with his doctor? He needs her and she’s not there, he needs the support of his buddy, she’s not there, he needs medication, he can’t get it, I feel totally alone and so must he.
He calls me in the afternoon to say he has gone back to his flat as he can’t stay at mine. My partner has no work at the moment so is home, he doesn’t feel easy being around him when I’m not there.
I’m relieved he’s not at my home when I get home, I call him and ask him not to lose what he has gained by cutting back his alcohol while at my house.
I feel drained.
And its only Monday!