Calm and acceptance

serenityI’m back.

I had a little break, I made myself forget for a little while.

Last time I was here Faith was here and detoxing.

He either felt well enough to go home or could not deal with my new rule “If your here asking for help and a safe place to be then you must go to AA meetings” So he went back to his flat.

I tried calling the next day but his phone was off.

Now that to me and with our history, meant he was back drinking. I decided I would not contact him until he called me.

The next afternoon he did call me, the reason his phone was off was because he was in a meeting, Wow!!!

It was a good meeting, a different place, an afternoon meeting and some guys his age were there, he felt good that he had gone. Can you see me at the other end of the phone with a smug smile on my face???

I had a very busy weekend, my partners birthday, full of celebrations with his family which takes me away from home, and I tried hard to leave thoughts of Faith behind. And it worked for a while. Seeing other functioning family’s doesn’t help. When they welcome me in, it makes it harder.

Sunday when I am home I call him and offer dinner. “Yeah that sounds good” but he doesn’t turn up. I wont call him.

Monday evening I send him a message.”I guess your drinking” and I ask when his next appointment is for Rehab. He missed the last one as the letter went to his flat and he was here, he only has 3 chances. (OK I know I am supposed to stand back and let things be) No reply.

Today he calls “Yes you were right, I am drinking, can I come back?”

“Yes you can”, but as I expect, when I get home he’s not there.

Later I talk to him, I feel sad, he says he is Ok, he has a doctors appointment tomorrow, that’s good, at least someone will listen to him, I am not angry, I just listen and try to be a little positive.

This seems to be a calmer time in our journey, I am still dreadfully sad, but we are calmer, no anger, no expectations from me I guess, an acceptance.

We finish our conversation by saying “love you”

Oh wow……… I looked for a picture to add after I had written this, and look what I found, another day, another lesson.

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