My alcoholic son has pretty much dominated my thoughts over the weekend.
I get on with life, but I pretty much feel it’s all such a sham.
I had many messages and a few calls between us. It looks like he has pretty much destroyed any chance of this meeting going ahead with his doctor tomorrow. I’ve sent a message to his buddy tonight saying as much.
I’ve also asked again about the chances of rehab, it’s what he’s asking for. My mind is in a bit of turmoil about it to be honest.
He has the fabulous support of a specially trained addiction nurse at the hospital. But he doesn’t agree with rehab, he thinks support should be out there every day, which is where his buddy comes in. She has been fantastic support also, compared to what he had before (a story to be told some other time) but it is only 3 or 4ish days a week, that’s without her 2 week holiday and at least 3 weeks off sick since she has been supporting my son. So I see it not working. He is really trying to stay sober, but he needs support 7 days a week in these early days. I know him and I know he really does want sobriety but he just cannot do it on his own.
So tonight I have been trying to find charity funding for rehab, I seem to have come up zero. There is one place, he did go there before for 6 weeks and came out in a good place only to have zero backup when he came out. (This is where I need to mention as before another story, we needed to change postcode for him to get support). If he got a place there now I know he would get follow on support.
Well I’ve also mentioned this in my message to his buddy. So will see if it can be an option.
In my relentless searching on here for support I came across an article on nerve damage suffered by alcoholics. I read some things I didn’t like. I knew he was suffering from shooting tingling pain from damaged nerves, I wasn’t so concerned as I knew if it was early damage, abstinence would help if not cure it. What did bother me more was that it could affect the badder, my son had complained that he was starting to suffer bouts of incontinence ( I wouldn’t write this if I didn’t know it was anonymous) I thought it was just when he was drinking, but no, it was also apparently even when he wasn’t.
I sent him the link, my concern increased when he said it talked about confusion even when sober, “that’s what I have” and he did tell me only a week ago that he was suffering confusion, I have to admit I didn’t believe him then. Now I am getting really scared, this disease has gone up another notch, I’m frightened, confused and very lonely, probably the same feelings he is experiencing.
I must stop imagining his funeral, but another voice says you must prepare yourself.
For those of you interested out there, he is in his room alone again tonight, suffering god knows what demons, I did give him the choice of coming here but when he couldn’t choose I decided for him, if he wanted to he would have said yes. He might be in hospital, he wont answer my calls or messages, I hope he is as OK as he can be.
But I haven’t given up hope, lets see what tomorrow brings, I doubt the meeting but I do know there are other people out there fighting his corner and tomorrow is Monday so the back up team are working.