The expected happens

Oh well I was expecting it wasn’t I?

After writing my last blog my phone rang and he told me he was really struggling, he was sounding really angry over the phone and I tried not to react, to stay calm. Hey it was good after all he was calling me instead of drinking, that’s pretty good, I knew I pretty much had to just listen to his anger, the phone was put down on me a few times.

This is when I wish, wish I had the knowledge to know how to answer his angry questions and accusations, I’m not a councillor, just a mum, I’ve got no training for this situation. I just try to calm, to make him see he has a future, a future he cant see at the moment.

He tells me he is just eating and eating, because his mind/body is craving, he’s confused with the cravings. (my mind says woophee eat as much as you can, his body needs these calories)

He also says his body has recovered from the last binge, withdrawal symptoms now all gone apart from a little nerve tingling damage. But nothing has changed, he’s not drinking but he still has no job, no partner, no friends. I want to cry at his honesty, but I cant I have to give him positives. I try so hard against his negativities.

Its late I have to sleep, I cant keep up this putting forward positives against his never ending negatives.

So I don’t call in the morning, just message telling him to get his ass out of bed and look at the job site I sent last night.

I call his buddy in my lunch break, pass on as much info as I can, he opened up a lot last night to me and there are things she needs to know before this meeting at the doctors on Tuesday. a meeting supposed to help him but he just wants to run from. He thinks he will be attacked again as he felt he was in the last one. (He was told a few home truths that obviously hurt him when he was down)

She says she is concerned, thinks he has had a drink today.

He calls me later, he has.

I’m not surprised or shocked, OK so lets just move forward.

He’s struggling again tonight, he didn’t drink much, he wont drink again tonight, OK I say.

“Can I come home tomorrow” I reply “Of course” “I want to work but there are no jobs” There are jobs but they have to be 16 hours or less otherwise he loses  his benefits and cannot afford to house himself. It seems a messed up system, hes not fit enough for full time work, but if he works over 16hrs he will lose his benefits, he wants to work but how many jobs are there 16 hrs or less?

A message later, he can see spiders, “are they real?”

I message back, I hope not.

In bed I look for possibly jobs, I want to give him hope,

This morning I call, no answer.

I send a message “get out of bed and look for a job”

I work.

Later I see 2 missed calls, 3 messages.

After work I call, yes he has had a drink, he’s stopped now, no he doesn’t want to come round, please help me I can’t stop. drinking.

He puts the phone down on me.

He calls later to apologise, I’m sorry, I will look at those jobs, I’m sorry, I’m sorry I’m sorry

So we will see what tomorrow brings. breath, just breath

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