Today I don’t know where I am, a bit numb I think.
We have had a fall out. Things that have obviously been bothering him were for some reason all brought to the surface, Probably because he is sober and experiencing feelings and thoughts that are usually numb by the alcohol.
I have been accused. I am the one person he thought he could trust and I have let him down.
At a hospital meeting concern was raised about the ulterior intentions of a drinking mate. Something that I had been extremely worried about but thought I could do nothing about as he was an adult. Now I have people of authority voicing my thoughts. He is classed as a vulnerable adult. My son refused to accept there was anything wrong, I could not sit there silent, I knew it would cause waves but I knew it needed to be said.
It caused more than waves, it caused a storm. He felt everyone was attacking him, but he didn’t walk out and at the end off the meeting he had agreed to have no contact with his this so-called mate, a big relief for me but I knew he was upset about it.
So this is what was thrown at me with such anger. It was late on a Saturday night, I was tired and upset and responded to quickly and angrily. How could he say all this to me when all I was doing was what I thought was right?
And so, what is his response? Yes good old faithful drink, well he had every reason to drink didn’t he?
Now tonight as I said I don’t know what I’m feeling. He wants to come back where he is safe again, but when he is ready, and he’s not ready to put the bottle down just yet I guess.
Am I supposed to just be patient and wait? What about me? I am still feeling upset by the attack on me.
Do I want him back? Not really, I wish I didn’t have too.
I’m tired of dealing with all the range of emotions I feel in a day,
But I know I will let him back, I can’t refuse when he asks for help.