Today started pretty much the same as yesterday, another odd message “Caught the bus, ended up in ……. (our local town)
Now this was at 7 in the morning, I’m puzzled, Where did he think he was going at that time? (He hasn’t worked for about 3 years due to his drinking), and why has he ended up somewhere he obviously didn’t mean to be?
When I eventually get through to him he tells me he was coming to my house but got on the bus the wrong side of the road.
He had told me he was confused the night before but I just assumed it was the drink, now I’m concerned it could be more, something that has happened in the past and a worrying step if its true. He tells me he will catch the bus back and go straight to my house. I’m leaving for work so say OK let me know when you get there.
My phone is surprisingly quiet, work is busy so I don’t have much time to think. Lunchtime I think mmm he hasn’t sent a message to say he’s arrived but as it’s just a quick break the thought goes and it’s not until later that I start to wonder, I message, no reply, I call, no reply. I work.
Later he calls, he made it to my village but felt to ill to walk to the house so went straight to a friends (a friend in his eyes, an old predatory man who is also an alcoholic in mine). My heart sinks.
I drive straight home, I don’t call, he has made his choice again.
About 9 he calls, he is sober, Could he come home? He’s to weak to walk can I pick him up, I hear him asking in the background can he stay at this mans house. This is where I struggle, I am in my pj’s warm, its cold out, why should I get up and go out in the cold to pick him up? He made his choice earlier. But my head is telling me if he stays at this mans house he will without doubt drink, he’s asking to come here where he knows he will not drink. Do I have a choice? Of course I do but I know if I don’t go I will suffer the consequences. If he is asking to come home and get sober again I hopefully will have 2 weeks of calm. My partner rolls his eyes as I put on my coat.
So he’s back, pitifully thin, he’s not eaten for 5 days. But he is in his room drinking water, the sickness he has suffered the last 3 days seems to have subsided. At least I will sleep without worry tonight, I know he probably wont sleep suffering withdrawal, but then he knew this would follow when he took that drink a week ago, I don’t have sympathy.
I wonder if his support will reappear tomorrow, what a shame they haven’t been around for the last week when I needed their support also.
Lets see what tomorrow brings.