Well it’s happened, as I knew it would, he got through Christmas, I was so happy and impressed he managed that, but, New Year he refused to spend with us, so I knew, I hoped not, but I knew “He wanted to get through this quietly on his own” It was inevitable, so now I get the phone calls, the begging for help and the anguish, now we both are dealing with the Christmas and new Year celebrations fall out. I know we are not alone in dealing with this, but it feels that way, it’s not something to share amongst friends and find support as you would should he be suffering from some other disease that’s sociably acceptable,he’s a drunk in so many eyes, including family, “he could stop if he wanted” believed by so many.
Tomorrow is a Monday, a working day for his supporters, so I hope they will be in touch and supportive, but for today, a Sunday it is just me, his mum, the only one he feels he can call, that listens to the heartbreak and desperation of a lonely alcoholic.
Update – 10.30pm
I should be in bed ready for work tomorrow, but another phone call and msgs, my other son says just ignore him, difficult to do as tonight I am his only contact, I listen, try to give advice for the sickness, try to explain its the alcohol that now makes him ill not the withdrawal, he doesn’t, wont, cant? listen, I try not to shout and be angry, I know I am powerless over alcohol.
Another call, his legs wont work, he is confused, he needs help, my only answer now is repeatedly, I cannot help you.
No doubt tonight he will call an ambulance again, he will be admitted ,possibly given a bed for the night.
Now I must try to sleep, I know that will be pretty impossible, a thousand thoughts and pictures going through my head, do I turn my phone off? And then the phone call I will make in the morning hoping he answers the phone. A pattern that it repeats itself again and again.
Tomorrow is another day, another battle.